


I Need You

by dimesandnickels



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Platonic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 16:23:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15295455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dimesandnickels/pseuds/dimesandnickels
Summary: An anxious Virgil to the rescue.*I made a small change because of mistake pointed out to me.





	I Need You

Thomas had that unsettling and unhelpful feeling that something was wrong, nothing specific, just something. Since Thomas was feeling a bit anxious, Virgil was a full on nervous wreck. You see, while Virgil led the others to believe that he was the cause of anxiety when he first appeared, he was actually a filter of sorts. Human instinct, fight-or-flight responses, and possibilities of harm constantly flooded through the youngest side. Thomas only received the anxiety that Vigil decided was important or the excess anxiety that Virgil could no longer contain. The latter applied to Thomas’s current predicament. 

In the back corner of the mildly worried Thomas’s mind lay an anxious, overwhelmed Virgil. He was trembling and breathing fast. His eyes were closed tight in concentration as he tried to control the flood of thoughts and feelings before they reached his host. He took on as much of the anxiety as possible, but some still got around the weakened defense that was Virgil rampaged through Thomas’s mind. 

Something’s wrong.

Something’s wrong.

It could be dangerous.

It could get you killed.

You should run.

You need to run. 

SOMETHING’S WRONG!

“Fine!” cried Virgil, chest heaving with labored breaths. He wiped away tears he hadn’t even noticed and struggled to his feet. He gripped his hair tightly to ground himself and tried focus despite being overwhelmed by indiscernible waves of panic. 

“Fine,” he said again as he sunk out of his room and into the room of Thomas’s memories. 

One thing you need to understand about this room and the memories within it is that the sides can’t sort through past events like a detailed timeline anymore than Thomas could. Instead, memories were given in random snippets until they are able to make a connection. 

The first memory materialized around Virgil. He and Thomas stood facing each other. This was one of the first time he was alone in talking to Thomas. Virgil fidgeted as he realized it was only side there and would therefore have to carry the conversation. 

“Hey, Virgil,” Thomas greeted him cheerfully. 

“Did I do something, or…?”

“No, no, don’t worry about that I just wanted to check in with you. I haven’t been feeling very anxious lately so I just wanted to see what’s up.” 

‘Ah,’ Virgil thought, ‘he thinks I’m ducking out again.’ In reality, Virgil had managed to slow down the constant flow of anxiety slightly just by convincing himself that he won’t be rejected as often as he thinks. With that slight amount of anxiety taken out, Virgil was capable of keeping unimportant anxiety away from Thomas more often than not. 

“Oh, yeah,” Virgil scratched the back of his neck like he always did when he was embarrassed. Anything emotional was embarrassing for him. “I just decided to lay off a bit since I know that you won’t get rejected as much as I used to predict.”

“What changed?”

“Well, if I don’t get rejected that much, then you definitely won’t.”

“I’m glad you’re fitting in, Virgil.” Thomas’s warm smile turned into a serious expression. “I need you,” he said sincerely. 

Virgil blinked once out of surprise, and then again to keep tears away.

“Thanks,” he said with a one-sided smile. He gave Thomas a lazy two fingered salute and sunk out. 

Virgil had barely enough time to process what he had seen and the importance of it before he was another memory formed to replace the previous one.

Virgil was perched on the end table that sat next to the couch while playing on his phone. The sides had materialized in the real world only to discover that Thomas wanted to have a movie night and was not, in fact, having a crisis. The sides agreed, some more reluctantly that others. Logan was getting the movie set up, Roman was arranging blankets and pillows, Patton was helping Thomas prepare snacks, and Virgil was moping. 

Thomas walked in holding most of the snacks while Patton carried an unnecessarily large bowl of ice cream. He was so focused on keeping the ice cream from melting over the side that he ran right into Virgil’s legs.

“Sorry, kiddo!” Patton exclaimed as he set down his bowl and attempted to wipe some of the spilled ice cream off of Virgil’s ripped jeans.

“It’s fine, Pat,” Virgil told him, gently pushing his hands away. Patton seemed to get the message and sat down, then grabbing his bowl from off the coffee table. 

“I guess it’s just my way of telling you that I kneed you.” Patton nudged the younger side with his elbow while giggling. “Get it? ‘Cause I bumped you with my knee?”

“Yeah, Pat.” Virgil was trying very hard, and not very successfully, to keep himself from blushing. 

Again, as soon as Virgil came out of one memory, another one immediately formed. 

Virgil sat in his usual place on the stairs. Yes, normally he would stand, but the others had been arguing about something and Virgil just couldn’t bother getting involved. 

“Virgil, I need you!” Logan called. That got Virgil’s attention quick. Logan seemed unaware of the youngest’s state of shock as he went on talking.

“Please help me explain to these three that we cannot live in an elaborate bouncy house.”

Virgil shook his head in order to snap out of his daze. “First of all, do you know the injury rates of bouncy houses…” The memory faded.

As yet another memory swirled into being, Virgil groaned. 

“No! No, I get the point, we don’t need to see this. I see the theme-” He was ignored. 

The sides were once again standing and arguing in Thomas’s living room arguing about time management. 

“He needs to recuperate and do some planning.”

“He needs to spend time with friends, they might feel like he’s neglecting them.”

“He needs to start coming up with ideas for a new video.”

“Guys,” Virgil sighed, “I’m with Roman on this one.” It had been a long time since their last video and the fans were getting restless, so they needed to start brainstorming. 

“Guys,” he started again when he realized no one had payed him any attention. 

If they don’t listen, they’ll never be safe.

We could all die. 

How long can we ignore our livelihood until we’re in the streets.

We need to work in order to live.

We’re going to die.

We’ll never be able to catch up on all the work we’re putting aside. There’s going to be consequences. 

They aren’t going to do it.

We can’t do it.

You can’t do it.

Before he knew what was happening, Virgil had collapsed into a sitting position on the stairs. It felt like his thoughts, fears, and anxieties were swirling around at a hundred miles an hour inside of him, clawing at anything they could find. His chest wouldn’t hurt this much if there wasn’t physical damage going on inside of him. He wrapped his arms around himself both as a form of comfort and a reminder that he had yet to be completely torn apart by the nervous energy that was out of control inside of him. 

Virgil screamed silently into his sleeve. There was too much going on. He was going to be torn apart. It hurt so much.

“-Virgil.” A voice cut through his stream of consciousness, but he could barely hear it over the pounding in his head, ringing in his ears, and his own heavy breathing. 

“I need you to take a deep breath.” Virgil gasped for air but it felt as though his windpipe was blocked. His breath out was cut off by a sob.

“It’s okay. Try again.” Virgil became aware of hands holding onto his, so he squeezed them weakly in order to claw his way out of the clutches of his own mind. 

A few deep breaths later and Virgil’s vision started to clear a bit. He could tell that the person holding his hands and kneeling on the stairs in front of him was Roman. 

Oh no. Virgil’s brain shut down and he retreated. He put up a blank face, though it still looked miserable, and tried to push everything away. 

“Darling, you can’t do that.” Virgil looked at Roman with empty eyes. 

“You need to stay with us. Thomas needs you to give him motivation for making videos… and I need you. Can you come back for me? I can’t reach you when you leave like that, and I need you, honey.”

Virgil’s eyes filled up with tears again, but this time he didn’t push away the feeling, or, more precisely, he didn’t push himself away from his problems and feelings. 

Roman wrapped his arms around him and Virgil cried into his shoulder. 

“Thank you, Virgil. I’m so proud of you.”

Once Virgil’s sobs turned into shaky breaths, he finally relaxed against his boyfriend. Roman held him as he began to finally calm down and his breaths started becoming more even. 

“See, isn’t that better?” the fanciful side asked. Virgil still hated to admit when Roman was right, but he had to give him this one; Virgil did feel a lot better. Normally he would be an empty shell after a panic attack, distant, and a facade. This time, though, he felt as though he were still there even though he had cried even longer than he did during his average attack. He could still feel his panic, but he wasn’t as scared of it because there was also a feeling of peace and love. 

Virgil kissed Roman’s cheek as a silent ‘yes.’ 

When the memory faded this time, no new one replaced it. Virgil was left alone in a room that swirled with indistinct forms and colors.

Now, all he had to do was piece this mystery together. Obviously, what the memories wanted him to focus on was the phrase “I need you,” but why? When was the last time it was said? Virgil went back one day at a time, mouthing those three words the entire time. 

The memory hit him like a ton of bricks; those bricks then tumbled down to his stomach. This memory was not Thomas’s and didn’t come to life around him, but instead he remembered it himself.

“I need you” Joan had said. “I need you to be there.” Thomas had readily agreed to go to his friend’s show, but that wasn’t where he was now. 

Virgil left the room quickly and reappeared in the living room. From there, he could see both Logan and Roman sitting at the kitchen table, chatting about the boy Thomas was talking with. Just as Virgil was about to notify the others of the mistake, he realized he couldn’t find Patton anywhere, and the door to his room was closed. Patton’s always made sure his door was open literally as well as metaphorically. 

Deciding he had time to check on Patton before yelling frantically at Thomas, Virgil walked toward Patton’s door and knocked softly. There was an audible sniffle before Patton called out, “Who is it?”

“Patton, does this have anything to do with Thomas not being at Joan’s thing?” Virgil asked, cutting right to the source of the problem. 

Instead of answering, Patton opened his door. He stepped aside silently and let Virgil enter. They both went and sat on Patton’s bed where Patton hugged his knees to his chest. 

“What if they don't want to be our friend anymore?” Patton asked softly as he looked at Virgil with puffy red eyes. 

“I’m sure that won’t happen Patton.” Virgil was not, in fact, sure. He was actually quite worried about that himself, but it was his job to worry and be miserable, not Patton’s. 

“Promise?”

“I promise.” They were silent for a moment.

“We should let Thomas know,” Virgil said. Though that made him nervous, he would rather Thomas remember his promise himself instead of being faced with his mistake and Joan at the same time. 

“Yeah.” Patton still sounded dejected.

“It’ll be alright, Patton. Friends are supposed to forgive each other. We need each other, but that doesn’t mean we won’t let each other down once in a while. It’s just who we are. I’m sorry for not checking on you sooner.”

Patton finally smiled. “It’s okay, kiddo. You came eventually. Why don’t you go tell the others while I take a power nap.” Virgil gave Patton a look of concern. Yes, the fatherly side clearly needed a nap, but that doesn’t mean he was actually planning on sleeping instead of, say, bawling his eyes out again. 

“I’m better now, kiddo. I’ll see you soon when we sort all this out. Go remind Thomas of where he was supposed to be.” Patton snapped his fingers and his polo was replaced with his cat onsie 

“Okay,” Virgil said, relenting. He started to get up but was stopped by Patton. 

“Hey kiddo,” Patton smiled and poked Virgil’s thigh with his toe and then nudged the younger sides shoulder with his knee, “I toed you I kneed you.” Virgil wrinkled his nose at the pun but still smiled. Virgil would go on to have a day long debate with Roman, who was convinced the boy Thomas was hanging out with was important, and then yell at Thomas for being careless. They would not, in fact, see Patton when they went to sort out the aftermath of Thomas’s mistake, because a certain snake faced side would appear in his place.


End file.
